Kosher Felching

Let me begin by saying that at no time in the past 41 years of my life have I been treated for any type of obsessive quirks requiring psychotropic redirection or intervention but... every time I walk into the kitchen or think about food I immediately begin mentally scanning what I call a "kosher report card" and I fail every time. What/who is a Jew? What is frum/observant? What is Kashrut/Kosher?

It would take volumes beyond all of the ruminations on Talmud, Gemarrah, & Mishna to simply answer what is kosher so this is not an attempt to define it nor any of the other above three issues but I will say: being a Jew is easy, being observant is difficult, being kashrut is IMPOSSIBLE!

"You look Jewish"... What? Do I have curly dark hair? Do I have dark eyes? Do I have a big nose? Do I wear a Yarmulka? NO - I have light brown hair, a big forehead, blue eyes, a funky nose, and the last Yarmulka I owned got used as a coffee coaster. Did G-d tell Moshe Rabinu that he LOOKED Jewish? "You look Jewish" an acquaintance who is a college professor told me a couple months ago. Well, you sound like a institutionalized bigot.

You look Jewish are you Frum? To some you cannot be observant unless you are Kosher or Kosher unless you are observant. What is observant? I do my best to observe that the teachings of the Torah were imparted to mankind for us to use as a blueprint, schedule, plan, guide, etc. But I must confess that I have fallen short in remaining true to all 613 mitzvot. Which makes me "more Jewish": the PROscriptions or the PREscriptions?

To some Rebbe's it is all or none - you cannot be half Jewish, partially observant, minimally kosher. I have tried to maintain a kosher diet for the last few months and... when I use a knife in the kitchen drawer at work that was used to cut a piece of ham the day before my apple becomes trefah...non kosher, unfit. If I use a pan to cook meat that previously cooked dairy in it and have not cleansed it in a specifically prescibed arduous manner then all food in that comtainer has been defiled. Food products validated by the local Vaad brethren or Glatt Kosher flock are so exhorbitantly priced I need to make "six figures" just to afford snacks. The last time I checked the Talmud there was no exegesis on sanctifying my enjoyment in titilating my boyfriends sphincter with my tongue and he is a goy so that immediately is non-kosher. What do I do???

A Jew is a Jew is a Jew!

Robert Kennedy once said: "You will not be judged for what you change on this earth but what you desire to change."

The day that I cease trying to be more observant and more kosher is the day that I am no longer a Jew.

Blessed is He who divided the sacred frm the secular.